Everyone knows any building that does not have the proper foundation or support will not hold up over time. The same can be true for dads. Having a good support system in place can be a big help to us and can help us endure the trials and tribulations of fatherhood. This support system will be different for each of us but it is good to find and establish it.
For me it begins with my wife. She is an amazing loving mother no doubt about that ever, but she is always a devoted wife who supports me as a dad and as man. She supports me with this endeavor and does not doubt my abilities as a dad. I am not going to say everything is rosy all the time like any couple we argue fight and at times it can be difficult. In the end we communicate though it and come together. We know it is important to work together as a team raising the kids so we always try to show that unified front to them.
How many times has your significant other or wife been opposed to any plans you might make with your friends or gets upset if you have something to do without her? Yes I am raising my hand lol and although it is not something that makes me happy I know she ultimately is looking out for me. When we met I was definitely a different person and she has helped shape me into the man and father I am today.
Obviously our spouses will be first and most important as a form of support, but the extended family can play a large role in our support system as well. I am the youngest of three with one older brother and one older sister and of course my parents and for my side of the family there is not too much beyond that it is a small extended family. We all live locally and to have them be a part of my kids life is important to me and their help when needed is especially important!! After all we cannot have date night or a night without the kids without someone to watch them. The relationship my kids have with them all is important and helps instill the strength of family. My siblings have older kids high school years and older who also can serve as role model types.
I know many times you hear of issues between husband or wives and their in laws, but I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful relationship with mine. This side of the family is a little opposite of mine where they are many lol. My wife is the oldest of five and she has many aunts and uncles still here locally with kids and grandkids of their own so family gatherings tend to be large. My mother in law and father in law are both very supportive of me and my wife and again they offer help when the time comes for someone to help with watching the kids. Each of my wifes sisters each have kids of their own a little younger then ours so for them to have the younger cousins to play with is an absolute joy as well.
I do consider myself very fortunate to have this support system in place here for us when we need help and even when we do not. For all the questions and doubts that come along after becoming a dad it is comforting to have those with experience around and as suffocating as it can sometimes feel when so many want to give their input I cannot take for granted how lucky I am to have them all. I know there are many of us dads who do not have this type of support system in place but that does not mean you do not have no support at all. We each need to be able to find and build some system of support as it is good to have something or someone to turn to in times of need.
I do have close friends as well who each have young kids of their own and we certainly can all relate to each other. This kind of support is not the same as family of course but having friends that are going through the same issues can be valuable. To be able to reach out to someone and meet up just to shoot the shit over a beer or drink can help you to deal with the crap of everyday life. Our friends can usually be counted on to be there for us especially those that are fellow dads. If you think about all the crazy stuff you have been through with some of your friends it only makes sense that they can be rocks for you later in life.
I would be remiss if I did not go into how we fellow dads are a part of this support system! We need to stick together and we need to come together to help each other now more then ever! No matter what we are going through more then likely one of our other fellow dads have gone through or are currently going through. I hope through our shared experiences we can build a more known community of us everydown dads supporting and helping each other.
I invite all of you to reach out on any issue or topic you would like to discuss with all the fellow dads out there and I would be happy to post or find a way to connect others that can offer advice and help.