There is one inescapable fact that we must face as dads. Our kids are not perfect angels and they will get into trouble! Obviously this trouble can vary based on age circumstance or severity. For purposes of this particular post I will focus on the younger years as that is my experiences now and it is the basis for laying the foundation for the kids. These are the times we can really begin to teach them about consequences. Basically don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!
Testing the boundaries is something kids seems to do so well I begin to think is it in our instincts as humans to do so. I can go back as far as when they are little babies they test their limits as we push them to get to walking and eating and talking, the issue is they continue on to the point of driving us mad!! Obviously we do not them running wild so we try to set the boundaries and a big part of that is how we discipline them and when we choose to do so. It seemed so easy at that very young age just raise your voice and say no no no and that was it lol. Now I see them growing and getting older and man in the blink of an eye they have learned how to push your buttons and push boundaries big time!
I swear it seems I am talking to myself sometimes they look right at me and acknowledge what I am saying and within minutes they will be doing the opposite of what I asked! Recently both of my little angels have begun to talk back and even yell at me and my wife and in front of others as well. This has us discussing how to handle the discipline. These are the biggest infractions fortunately and I consider myself lucky as I know it could be worse. This is also a time I contemplate is it time to introduce chores, as it could be a good way to instill some additional responsibility to go along with being responsible for school work.
As far as discipline goes I am adamant that spankings or any form of physical punishment are not productive and should not be a way to discipline kids. I know that is not how it used to be and I can speak from experience from my own childhood. I never want my kids to live in fear of me and that is not the reason I want them to behave and listen. Negative reinforcement is one way I try to avoid punishments as I find rewarding the good behaviors helps them learn to avoid the behaviors that have those negative outcomes. Not that this is foolproof as kids will get in trouble it is as guaranteed as the sun coming up! So I will always be ready to teach them about severe consequences of their actions. With the amount of stimuli and activity available to the kids this day and age taking things away such as Ipads or other electronic devices can be effective as is denying them the ability to go be with their friends or go and enjoy fun activities.
I know everyone will discipline as they see fit I just try to convey how physical discipline can be such a negative device used. The resentment that can grow from it can grow and became a huge rift in your relationship with your child. I also feel it will only lead them to lie more and become more deceitful as their fear will outweigh their trust in you. Obviously we all have our moments where anger wins out especially when we have a bad day or something happened at work which can totally effect our judgement as well. I know those are the days my patience becomes even shorter and my volume gets to that supersonic level that sends them scurrying for safety lol. So yes I find it hard to keep my cool on these days and there tends to be a little more yelling around the house. Sometimes I wonder if much of that has to do with being a dad who feels overwhelmed. When we hold things in as we tend to do as dads since it is an accepted behavior for us, it will only heighten the anger and emotion as eventually we will explode.
I try not to think about or look to the future as I know the issues become a little more serious that my kids will have to deal with. In todays world kids certainly do seem to have to grow up a little faster as everything they want to possibly know about is at their fingertips. This can be very positive especially when it helps them learn and open their minds, but at the same there are many negative influences out there and it is so easy for them to connect to the wrong people as well. I know the trouble I got into so I am terrified of what may come! I hope it never reaches a bad level but at the same time there is so much out of our control we need to be prepared for anything as putting blinders on to any potential long term trouble can be catastrophic. We never ever want to be too late to be there for them. Part of being an everydown dad is knowing when it is time to put your arm around your kid and just listen and be there for them.
Dads we need to continue to be here for each other. As I mentioned earlier it is way too common for the thought to be dads need to be strong and nothing should bother us, but the fact is the everyday issues we encounter do bother us and it can effect how we decide to discipline and can lead to making decisions we would regret. It is good to have each other to lean on when we have bad days or when things are not going well at a certain time in our lives. Together we can lean on each other to find new ways to handle the situations that come when our kids get into trouble. With so many of us out there most likely there are many that have gone through something very similar if not the same so imagine having a group or someone to turn to to for help. I invite any of you to comment or reach out anytime!!