Over time the perception of the dad or father figure has rarely changed and if it has it is not always such a flattering look for us dads. How many times are you watching a show or a movie and the dad is the one acting like a fool or causing trouble? Now I am not saying us dads do not get into trouble and are so innocent but there is so much more to being a dad then what is portrayed in the media. We are not just here for amusement all the time and we are not essentially another child for the moms to care for! A perfect example are just some of the cartoons kids watch such as Peppa Pig or Bluey both fairly popular shows at the moment. The dads on those are almost offensive in all honesty. I have no issue taking a joke but these portrayals just feed into our culture the misperception of us dads.
There can be times we enjoy playing with our kids and yes obviously you need to be a little immature to make it fun. The problem is for some reason I feel that is all people will sometimes see, and think that is all we dads are there for. The other activities such as feeding the kids or dressing them or washing them is something the mother always handles and they are recognized for all this hard work as a mother. Well sorry to the moms but that is not the case at all and I am sure there are plenty of us dads that share in all these duties yet we continue to be classified as the “fun” parent and not the one making sure everyone is cared for.
Nobody seems to worry about the real issues we can deal with. As I have stated before in general when people think of the word dad they associate a figure of strength that can handle anything that comes along in life without concern of how it might affect us. Yes we are strong and we want to have that be a part of who we are as an example to our kids, but at the same time we are human!! Are we not allowed to feel pain or to hurt? Yes of course we are and I can speak from experience as we all could. The issue is the stigma that if we seek help we are weak or insufficient as a man or father. It can very easy to bury the pain feeling you are strong enough to handle it meanwhile the real strength comes from acknowledging the pain and dealing with it head on and seeking help if needed.
I have my demons and I spent too much time in my life in burying the pain which only lead me to making bad decisions in my life. I want to be able to share with you that I finally did seek help and it is one of the better decisions I have made and has helped in my growth and journey as a person and a dad. Gentleman we are human and we have the same needs as anyone else. We can change that narrative that we would be seen as weak for seeking help and it begins with us as a brotherhood of fatherhood supporting each other. The world we live in today it has become easy for us to connect and support each other and I hope it is something I can help build as well.
We all know we live in a world now where it is all about equality and fairness and inclusion. This progression is great to witness and be a part of yet I feel we fall short in some areas and one in particular involves us dads! No matter how progressive society tries to be I still feel we fall short in one area and that is with us dads. For instance why is it still common for a custody battle in a divorce to end with the mother getting the custody and the dads get visitations? For some reason there is not much equality there as moms are automatically assumed to be granted custody as how dare children be removed from their mothers yet removing them from dads nobody bats an eyelash? It is as if we are behind the eight ball right from the jump no matter what. This is just one example of how the perception of us dads can be negative.
Lets face it dads we are on our own here!! We do not have some type of movement and there will be no marching or demonstrations which is why is up to us to change our narrative. I enjoy being silly with my kids and having fun in life and yes I have made some big mistakes along the way, but that is nowhere near what defines me as a dad or a person. The mothers make the same mistakes as dads but there always seems to be an excuse that allows that not to be what defines them. The stress of being a mom and how we need to be sensitive to that yet that same excuse or reasoning does not seem to be applied to the dads. So we need to be more aware and vocal about how the stress of life affects us. We need to make it known we feel the pain the stress the hurt just the same as anyone else in life. This is how we can hopefully begin to change that narrative.
Ok I promise not everything here will be this serious but I am here to present my perspective and view as an everydown dad. I know I am not alone in this and I want to hear from any of you that want share or comment on this as well.